I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
