Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
