Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
