I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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