your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
