I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
