you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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