Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
