Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
its liver damage thursday
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
