Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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