saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
