If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
