Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My life is pants optional.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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