This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
