so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
