I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
