Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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