That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
