you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
