Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize