I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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