I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
