ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
