could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
