When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
