sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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