Me. At least after what I've been through.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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