dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
