Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
