My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
