just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
