I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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