If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Come see our sink grown plant.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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