You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
