My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
