I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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