I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
