I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
