I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
