the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
