this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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