all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize