Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
