she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
