Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
