you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
