1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I need to align my fucking chakras
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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