Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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