Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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