drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
you're hired as official boob wrangler
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
