We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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