so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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