I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
