I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
