Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
