I'm jealous of your bromance
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
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