I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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