Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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