he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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