Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
