erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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