Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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