bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
and you fell through a lawn chair
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
