Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize