Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
