just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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