I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
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