so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
