Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I can't turn off my feet"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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