i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
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