9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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