So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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