Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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