I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
