why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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