I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
