i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
