i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize