East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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