i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
