she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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